CLAIR HUXTABLE: MOM STYLE ICON

A Cowgirl and a Ranch Hand Walk into a House…

Oh, Denise….

Just when you thought it couldn’t get any better (worse? I can’t tell). Shoulder blade fringe across the back extending down the arms. Denim Tuxedo. White Nerdleneck, orange button-down. Orange collar OVER light denim collar. Clair never goes into costume territory, and this outfit shows us what a fine line that is and how Clair is a master at walking it. I applaud you Denise—you’re figuring it out and heading in the right direction. Also, your mother is Clair Huxtable. You’ll be fine.

Mami knows how to accentuate her proportions.  Boxy on top, slim and sexy on the bottom. Granted, Mrs. Huxtable is blessed with a great mom-bod, but she must be credited with knowing how to work said mom-bod. 

This flower-patterned oversized beauty looks terrific on her. The flowers blend into the shirt and give a delightful twist to what would otherwise look like a plain old enormous oxford shirt.  

More importantly, The COLOR—which the internet and Crayola tell me is “JAZZBERRY JAM.”

That’s right, JAZZBERRY. JAM. That color is so Clair from name to hue. 

Warning: In future posts, I may or may not be using Jazzberry Jam as a figure of speech when referring to something that I find crazy, sexy, cool. “TLC is so Jazzberry Jam.” “Clair’s onesies are hella Jazzberry Jam.” “Matching your sweatsuit with your socks and your reading material is suuuuuper Jazzberry Jam.”

The small Jazzberry Jam ribbon-belt is creating that triangle shape we need in order to recover from the powerful jutting shoulders, and is reminding us that under all that fabric is a fantastic mom-bod. 

The size and placement of that knot is utterly perfect. 

Sneaky toe-point. It’s like she’s not doing it…but she is.

Sleeves have been cuffed below the elbow for a casual look. Only Clair can pull off a shirt like this.

Also: This woman knows how to wear a pair of trousers.

Happy New Year

Sweats from head to toe. Typical. Clair is going to her pottery class and this is the ensemble she goes for.  What we’re looking at here is a bold display of three, THREE, different hues of grey. Clair starts with a neutral classic grey as her base sweatshirt, then for fun adds a darker grey VEST for added breast warmth.  We then move on down to the classic light grey sweatpants (cinched at the ankles of course), and finally we get to the stark white generic mom sneaker for ultimate comfort.  Now she’s ready to make some vases and ashtrays for the house. 

My favorite part of this whole outfit is of course the vest. At what point did Clair get into an entire sweatsuit and then decide that a sweat-vest was what was missing and the necessary final touch to pull the whole thing together?  This little number is the perfect New Years Day hangover helper. Hope you were all lucky enough to get a sweat-vest over your sweater.  Keep your boobs extra warm—there’s only so much a sweater can do on its own.

The Perfect Crime

Murder Outfit 101: How to commit crime-Clair Huxtable Style

Uh oh. Cliff has forgotten a major (incredibly minor) detail about their wedding day and mami is pissed. disgusted. Thanks to some structural padding, her shoulders are parallel to the floor to showcase her power and superiority. Hey, Floral/Graphic print, I hear you loud and clear—You’re a fun flowing tunic, you like attention, and I don’t mind giving it to you.

Gold Satin Pants for slippery and shiny comfort. Clair slips on a pair of spanking white gloves…what for, you may ask? To make a point?

This angle reveals the delightful Wizard Dolman sleeve that give the bicep a tremendous amount of room but tapers down to accentuate a feminine forearm. The floral/graphic print and the wonderful chunky necklace will distract your victim. They will be mesmerized by the fabric as it tents gracefully over your body and they will be impressed by your giant shoulders.

Gloves don’t leave fingerprints. No fingerprints=successful murder, or at least the kind you can’t get blamed for. The amount of sheer pleasure she gets out of those headlocks is astonishing and…sexy? sorry.

Murder Completed.

The best way to leave the murder scene? Leave like you own the place. Your finest fur coat, shiny gold stiletto pumps, glittering gold clutch, and a look that says “Murder what?” No one will think you did it looking this incredibly stylish.

All “joking” aside, this ensemble is pretty wonderful. Check out the amazing ankle cinching those silky gold pants are doing. They’re fitting and acting like a pair of sweat pants, and I like it. Clair is KILLING IT! (get it? don’t answer that).

Back to Basics

Cotton Candy pink SweatSUIT. Matching pink socks in a slightly darker hue. Generic mom sneakers. Oversized Jade Cardigan—yeah that’s right, JADE.

Clair elevates “home outfits” to an art form. Now in this ensemble you can receive a package from the UPS guy, have tea with an unexpected guest, greet your neighbor, yell at your neighbor, eat a sandwich,  vacuum, talk to your children, read, pet your dog, roll up your yoga mat, rescue a cat, think, and gracefully walk, all while looking great and feeling great. 

Note: You cannot garden in this outfit. For gardening there’s this 

Once again, Clair shows us how important it is that your reading material match your outfit. Note the lettering on the magazine. 

Simple, Comfy, Stylin,’ and matching the living room rug. Bravo. 

Most Important: Seated Toe-Point 

Someone could learn a thing or two about going back to basics the right way.

It’s the most wonderful “top” of the year (A Christmas Miracle)

Hold on to your panties, y’all.

Through a series of ridiculous events, the Huxtables are invited to Stevie Wonder’s recording studio to you know, hangout, record some music, and watch Stevie do his thing. It’s an exciting event, and Clair shows up wearing THIS

And, here it is. And by “it” I mean that pinkish purple thing Clair is wearing on the top half of her body.

It’s genius—part kaftan, part dress, part kimono, part body sleeve, part extra-long vest, and all INCREDIBLE. How did she get in this thing? Where does it start? Where does it end?

Let’s start with the wrap around quality of this piece. Uneven vagina panels meeting at the knees and a nice hourglass structure to add a feminine touch to the full body coverage.

Those sleeves. goddamn it those sleeves are great. Only Clair can bunch with such grace. She’s a real pro.

Just when I thought it couldn’t get any better, I’m presented with the fact that there are sexy peek-a-boo cut-outs on the sides. Oooh la la.

Nehru Collar—the best way to get a perpetually popped collar.

The winner for best TV Mom hand placement goes to Clair Huxtable, attorney at law.

dear god, is it suede?

Q
Came across your blog today via New York mag's Vulture site (congrats!). Just have to tip my hat to you for your photo captions: they're somehow snarky and genuinely deferential at the same time. No easy feat. OK, back to reading all of your posts!
A

Thank you very much; you’re too kind. Also, thank you for telling me nymag had mentioned it—you officially broke the news to me with your message. Take care and enjoy past and future posts as much as I have and will enjoy writing them!

Looks like just another average silky light blue robe. Sure, the sleeves are the perfect length with the edges hitting exactly where the wrist meets the hand, and yes, the lapels and high neckline create some nice full coverage of the chest area, and ok yes the sash-belt is flawlessly tied right at the waist with a floppy bow…so what else is new? Clair is dressed nice for bed—we’ve seen it before…

BUT THEN WE GET THIS! Accordion Pleating across the back spilling over to create a bunchy fold over the perfectly tight sash-belt! Just when I thought I’d seen it all. god is in the details. clair is in the details. god is in clair’s details.

Check out the smaller pleating that spills down Clair’s bum.

Please note: Cliff is in a pink henley pajama top.

If You Ever Break Your Foot…

You Should look like this. Get the doctor to give you a white bootie with a fashionable black platform to “match” your sensible pump, grab your mustard blazer, buckle on your thick belt over said mustard blazer, and recline on your couch with grace, power, effortless beauty, and a slight bad attitude about the whole thing. Clair Huxtable—always showing us how it’s done.

A Lesson in Loungewear

Now this is how it’s done. Color-coordinated from head to toe. The red book even matches the red trimming on her collar, cuffs, and socks. Ladies, always pick up a book that matches your outfit. no matter what. 

Note: The trimming keeps Clair from looking like a blue blob.

I really wanted to make sure you all notice the socks Clair is sporting. This is the kind of attention to detail that makes my jaw drop, talk out loud to myself in Spanish, and rethink MY sock situation. This was just your classic “hanging out around the house, don’t have the energy to put on a jumpsuit, not late enough to slip into a pajama-gown” matching sweatsuit. However, when she introduces the socks she elevates this into a proper ensemble. It’s all on purpose and well thought out.

Now here is an example of Clair’s best mom-style quality: DEDICATION

Reflection: This ensemble has made me think about my loungewear, and I’m utterly embarrassed by the t-shirts and mismatched ill fitting bottoms that I have the gall to wear around the house. shame on me.

Shoulders and Lapels

….they come in all shapes and sizes, for Clair.  Sometimes she likes to go boxy, sometimes rectangular, sometimes structured, sometimes floppy, but always flawless—the motif throughout Clair’s wardrobe.  

What we’re looking at here is some serious boxy action. The lapis blazer is accentuating Clair’s power and confidence by giving the illusion that her shoulders begin in the middle of her neck and jut out, for several inches, completely parallel to the floor. It’s a very impressive look and our very own lawyer-mom knows how to pull it off. These shoulders demand respect and make sorting mail easier.  As for the lapels, they’re dainty, small, and feminine, and thankfully let the monstrous shoulders do all the talking.

I am a big fan of this top. The installed shoulder pads, the color, and of course the circular lapels. So feminine and the double-breasted nature of it creates a nice necklace peephole.

Wow. Here Clair shows us that size really does matter, because these giant hot hot pink lapels command the space.  Just look at them. They’re like wings. Once again, shoulders are parallel to the ground and are creating a lovely platform for the light pink mock turtle neck to make a cameo in this ensemble.

Large shoulders allow a small waist to have plenty of room on a couch. Floppy from the armpits down, firm and structured on top. (Slow-clap applause).

Auction

Clair finds out that a painting her grandmother used to own, by a relative and famous artist, is going up for auction at Sotheby’s. Clair loves this painting, she wants it back in the family and nothing is going to stop a mom-style icon from getting what a mom-style icon wants.  So, she heads on over to Sotheby’s with the whole family—the Huxtables make big decisions and purchases together; that’s how they roll. 

Clair, of course, dresses appropriately for the occasion. No jumpsuits (*sadface*), plaid button down shirts, or power suits in sight at Sotheby’s. She chooses this brilliant, inspired, floppy number to reclaim what is rightfully hers. 

No one but Clair can pull off a 1900s-style outfit without looking ridiculous and maintaining such a high level of class, sass, and “respect the high neckline” attitude. 

FUR DETAIL.

So floppy yet body contouring all at the same time. I DON’T KNOW HOW SHE DOES IT (starring Sarah Jessica Parker, Greg Kinnear, and Clair Huxtable).

Bold Gold Necklace over the grey ensemble.

Excellent grey belt to remind us all that underneath the bountiful supply of grey cloth draping her body, there is a terrific waist—As if we’d forget. HELLO!

Note- the fur shoulder rope, suede bag, and sensible heels all match. yum.

I see you, red manicure.

And there’s the look. “Yes, I am wearing a 1910 wool dress with matching gold jewelry. Do you have a problem? The young man behind me, Elvin, is terrified of me and you should be too.”

Lesson learned: Go to auctions looking like American Girl Samantha Parkington to get the artwork you want.

Halloween

It’s Halloween and Vanessa is throwing a party at her house. She has a huge crush on this boy she’s invited and she wants to make sure everything is perfect blah blah blah blah blah…LOOK AT WHAT CLAIR IS WEARING!!!!

Holy shit.

People, Vanessa is in elementary school. She is throwing a small party with some pals (children) from school, BUT we learn here that that won’t stop her mother from putting together a show-stopping Tina costume. THE TOP. THE WIG. THE LEATHER SKIRT. THE DELICATE HAND PLACEMENT (Clair should teach a class on it). THE BULGING EYEBALLS.

That top is…oh jeez, it’s suede with silver embellishments and an uneven hemline that is so breathtakingly wonderful.

Here is why I love this costume: You can tell that these pieces were pulled from Clair’s own closet. That is what makes it so brilliant. YOU KNOW Clair had that tiny little leather skirt tucked away in her closet, and that blue suede number was probably hanging up next to one of her jumpsuits. This isn’t store bought Tina, this is homemade Clair Tina. 

I know, i know. Take a deep breath. Yes, those are yellow ankle socks she has paired with her sensible black pumps. Look at those gams! They’re engaged and are creating a nice flat back position that shows us the wonderful Clair Huxtable Silhouette we all know and love. 

This costume is perfect for running away from small female baseball players that have invaded your house. 

Fall is here!

This is exactly how I feel about the season change.

Now I can finally match my ankle boots with my belt, my earrings, and my oversized blazer. FINALLY. Nothing better than double lapels and a cream-colored floppy ensemble. 

Clair teaches us here that sometimes an entire outfit can rely on one article of clothing. She’s letting the coat do all the talking, and I can hear it loud and clear. This may be the closest I’ve seen Clair get into the female version of the quintessential “Cosby Sweater.” This bell shaped quilt-coat pulls out all the stops with pattern, color, and a small understated broach. Work it Clair. It’s getting chilly, so go ahead and let the whole neighborhood know you’re extremely prepared for the season and that they should be jealous you can pull off a ridiculous amount of colors all at once.

Here’s a standing slow clap to you Mrs. Huxtable.

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