CLAIR HUXTABLE: MOM STYLE ICON

Freddy

Try Again by Aaliyah on Grooveshark 

Well I really shouldn’t have left you without a dope onesie, pajama gown, and a pair of wizard sleeves to step to. Let’s get right back in and get weird with season 3.

imageAaaaand we’re back with a deliciously warm and borderline suffocating sweater-top cardigan combination that’ll have you saying “but how…why…?” Clair’s body acts as a clothes hanger here allowing the thick blanket fabric to drape and fall the way thick blanket fabric does best—formless and alluring.  Bright Red base color. 

The shoulder pads are firm and powerful as the edges gently ooze down Clair’s shoulders down to her mom biceps.

I call this look “The Real Freddy Krueger”

hi, earrings. 

imageClair demonstrates that one can achieve this look at home with a Fashion Marker. Just make sure your base color is bold and passionate.

Mami lines up all of her stripes. BLESS

 imageThis outfit is perfect for kitchen unpacking. You have tons of arm room for taking smaller boxes out of larger boxes.  The chunkiness of the double sweater and cardi sleeve gives her the freedom of a solid dependable roll—leaving her a great deal of floppy fabric by the armpit and forearm.

Clair can really pull off looking like a funky cool special edition sheet of college ruled paper.

Please note: If you’re doing the stylish Krueger look, make sure your doctor husband wears squares.

Going for Gold

If there were a mom olympics, Clair would dominate—without a doubt.  She’d be the McKayla Maroney of her event (minus Sunday’s vault fiasco), soaring high and well above her opponents. She’s our very own Flying Squirrel when it comes to raising children and throwing sass. She’s our Carmelita Jeter running the household efficiently and better than most. May a large mom torch burn for you Clair!

Look at that orange beaming from her body. For optimum flower-grabbing, may your pants be bright and match your lapels. This outfit is floppy from top to bottom with a nice structured shoulder. Rolled sleeves (duh). Nothing sexier than a nice manila hued oversized oxford shirt with huge impressionistic flowers on it to remind you’re husband you’re in charge.  Looking like a trapper keeper never looked so good. 

Note: sexy cleavage-hiding undershirt matches pants and lapels. The only thing that could make this outfit better is if it were sewn together into a giant onesie.

Please rise for the national anthem of the United States of Clair Huxtable. 

Bedtime

Short story short: there’s a snake in the Huxtable’s sex cave ((bedroom) oh and to clarify, I do mean a real snake, not a male pee pee)). Lady Huxtable is terrified so she grabs two pillows and hides behind her doctor husband. ALSO, Phylicia is pregnant so she grabs two pillows and hides behind her costar so we don’t see that baby growing inside of her—y’know, the one Clair isn’t supposed to be having. 

Here we go.  Silk kaftan night gown with just enough “tenting” to make any lady look like a queen—or in this case a Fall leaf that has just elegantly floated off a tree. 

Loving that there’s a proper shirt collar attached to this silk body quilt. Best of all: solid and thick cotton wrist cuff to create a billowing elbow sleeve portion. 

I could lightly kiss that hand she’s “offering.”

Slightly turned up head with look of disgust not included—not for sale.

Phylicia vs. Clair. Battle of the Mamis

The time has come. Phylicia is pregg-oh, but Clair Huxtable is not. I knew it was coming, but I avoided the reality of it settling in.  And yet, here we are—first episode of season 3 and the “what enormous object can we use to hide that baby bump?” has already begun.  

ENTER HUGE BLUE BOX! Clair is flopping around in a wonderful fuchsia jacket/lab coat and a confident arm drape over the box. She doesn’t need to grasp at it.  Here we learn that real women don’t clutch things for dear life—Clair wills the large box to stay in place as her drooping arm decorates the prop. well done. 

holy shit. draping. insane pattern. dripping in gold. rolled sleeves with a surprise blast of fuchsia. knife accessory. baguette. fair enough.

Kitchen island hides baby bump. oh, and hello there, pants.

Amen.

Season 3. Ethnic wrap around Poncho dancing toe-point.

The Closer

It’s the season finale of season two and it looks like the Great Royal Wife of an Egyptian Pharaoh has taken a seat at the head of the table—that’s our Clair! That shiny and droopy silk jacket is doing a lot of the heavy lifting in this ensemble (those shoulder pads go on for days/down to Clair’s knees), but there’s a lot to be said about the jewelry. I think the gold hieroglyphics dangling off of Clair deserve a slow-clap applause and a sexy wink.

There must be some sort of mathematical formula to nailing the perfection of Clair’s hand placement.

Please note the length of that silky robe-jacket and the coral pants to match the top. This means that under the jacket, there’s a whole world of matchy-matchy heaven going on.

On to Season 3!

Chore Outfits- “Choutfits”

If you’re gonna wear an apron around the kitchen, be a mom-style icon about it and wear your tribal/legends of the hidden temple inspired oversized loosey goosey jumpsuit (from the previous post). Make sure your chain necklace drapes OVER the apron. OVER the shirt. CASCADING down your cleavage.  

HUGE sleeves. Maybe store some cleaning supplies or vegetable oil in them.

And the beloved april o’neil onesie returns.  Clair, like a real mom, repeats outfits, and one of my favorite things is to be able to spot said repeats. This is just one of those casual days where although the chic pink jumpsuit is on, the rubber gloves are on too for some wiping/polishing (??).

Look at that form. Absolutely flawless. Straight back. 90° angle leg bend for lower back support. 130° angle leg extension for balance and “cool factor.” Arms are in a nice 45° angle for optimum wiping. Clair—a woman of geometry and fashion.

Look at what that collar is doing.

Golden

Seated working on some paperwork toe-point. Such a versatile look.

Small gold accents. Huge gold accent—hellooooo floppy blazer/stylish lab coat

This is the kind of outfit that makes me wish I could say, in a firm and loud voice:

"Hey, [insert housekeeper or husband’s name] where is my Aztec-y black and red onesie and the gold lab coat I like wearing with it? I can’t find it. Please don’t tell me it’s dirty, I want to wear it todayyyyy"

Yeah, I’d be giddily laughing like Clair if I owned this ensemble. Pure joy.

Orange You Glad Clair can Wear Orange So Well? Yes, you are.

There’s nothin’ like an enormous burnt orange blazer for a casual outing at the local track and field to see your husband lose at a relay race.  It’s nice to see that BOTH the shoulder pads and lapels are gigantic here. Very nice.

The linebacker-style shoulders are parallel to the floor and act as a delightful mantle for Clair to rest her head, which may be heavy with the weight of those sassy gold hoop earrings. Working. IT.

She looks so happy here. The weird part is that this is EXACTLY how I look every time Clair appears on screen.

Sassy bed face. This is that classic “My book is open, i’m only a few pages in so I’m getting into it, yes I’m wearing silk pajamas, yes they are burnt orange like my previous blazer, but that doesn’t mean I’m in the MOOD for you know wh….oh alright fine, get over here” body language that Clair can teach a master class on. Ah, to be a Huxtable.

She’s in the background but she might as well be in the foreground. Clair steals focus with an incredible “hand-on-hip-cross-legged-toe-point pose” that is almost religious in nature. I don’t even know what this scene is about—Cliff and some other guy are talking about something, but who cares? Clair watches on looking like this. 

Peachy-creme-beige ensemble that on anyone else would look like a holistic yogi mess, but not on Clair. Floppy, cinched, rolled up sleeves, a bold belt and necklace to tie in the whole look, and a thoughtfully long shirt to cover any possible mom camel toe.

Note: creme trousers tucked into black ankle boots. My hands are in prayer pose, my eyes are closed, and I am mouthing “thank you” like Britney Spears at the end of one of her concerts off the “…Baby one more time tour.”

Cheating towards the camera so that we may revel in the glory of that red accent belt. Huge necklace OVER the shirt. well done.

Here we see how her extra long oxford shirt/kaftan is channeling a Nehru jacket and providing Clair’s fave—a popped collar. Ladies, match your nails to your belt to your earrings. 

Look at how that hairdo, which I’ll admit is flirting with being a mullet, lightly cascades down the shoulder to tickle that necklace. 

Look below for the amazing and simple evening transformation this ensemble takes:

Now, if you’re going to add a jacket to your ensemble, this is definitely the way to go. I call this look Urban Elizabethan/Brooklyn Court Jester. Look at that patchwork and those ENORMOUS sleeves. Give this beauty a lute and I’d mistake her for a chic troubadour.

Sleeves provide full coverage for the back of your youngest child’s head.

Role Playing

Cliff and Clair want to teach Theo a valuable lesson about responsibility and how terrible the real world is when you become an adult. So they make an alternate reality where Clair plays an array of wacky characters-translation: Clair gets to wear all those weird shirts in the back of her closet and just get crazy with some bright prints.

Let’s face it, the wooden spoon is what makes this over the top.

Urban Miss Geist makes an appearance. Matchey matchey to indicate this furniture saleswoman she’s playing is a real ball buster with a big attitude. She’s basically like this 24/7.

Now after the whole charade is over and done with and Theo learns the value of money, hard work, and going to college, the fam has a quick recap. Clair is back to being Clair so go ahead and make sure you’re in comfortable clothes because you are going to want to groove so hard to the outfit m’lady sports.

REQUEST: Hit play on the tune below to get the full effect as Clair’s outfit is revealed to you. It helps and is the outfit’s theme song. So please… do yourself the favor.

I Wanna Sex You Up by Color Me Badd on Grooveshark

I MEAN….

It’s like she’s trying to prove that the outfits from “earlier” were just for fun and joking around. We know Clair, but I’m not mad that you felt you had to remind us with this pink April O’Neil number.

It’s a Members Only Jacket on top and a classy ladies leisure suit on bottom. Puffy sleeves perfect for handling sodas and approaching your children with a friendly raised arm. That brown belt may be the MVP of this whole outfit. I’m loving the free flowing wide leg pant portion.

The jumpsuit/onesie is reincarnated and thank god. I was beginning to think Clair had run out of them, or even worse, she was “over them.” She looks phenomenal. She’s at her most functional.

And for the love of God I hope you followed directions and are now and forever listening to Color Me Badd.

February 14th

This is exactly how the evening of February 14th should end. Mamasitas, take note and slip into your silky, floppy, oversized olive green button down shirt. Add a red t-shirt for a chest accent color. Get your bod into your matching olive green tapered trousers. Extend your lady foot (adorned with a classic leather sensible pump) and strongly hint that your doctor husband massage your hard working lawyer-mom-foot. You’ve earned it, you’re owed it, and looking like a lean blade of grass is the way to get it. Enjoy. 

Stoop Tales (A-Woohoo)! Part 3: The Return of the Sweat Suit

Our lady sports a Pumpkin (!) sweat suit on her stoop with the return of the Jade Cardigan we know and love.

Crossover Sideways Toe Point.

White socks, white generic mom sneaks.

Cliff is also in a sweat suit. The family that wears sweat suits together, stays together.

Camel toe included- free of charge.

Stoops are great for getting your squats in as you talk to your adoring wife about the kids.

Color blocking. Clair allows the sweat suit to act as the main attraction—no accent jewelry or small details necessary to add to the ensemble. When you’re wearing pumpkin, you’ve committed to it and there’s nothing to be done but just let that decision shine.   

Stoop Tales Trilogy complete.

What have we learned?

The stoop is the perfect stage to try some old standbys and some new work you’re trying out. From your classic loungewear pieces, to your ballsy fringey skirt suits. The stoop has no dress code—a pair of metallic pumps is just as appropriate as your favorite pair of tennis shoes. On the stoop, Anything Goes (starring Sutton Foster and now on Broadway. get your tickets, if you’re into that). Loungewear can be outdoor wear.

Stoop Tales (A-Woohoo)! Part 2: Creature of the Night

We’re still in the same episode from the previous post:

Just a casual evening read on the stoop. Clair has changed out of her fringed purple power suit and slipped her mom bod into this taupe palette.  I dig it. Why? Because the woman is wearing light grey cotton pant leggings with dark grey cuffs at the ankles and has paired her ensemble with a pair of silver pumps (meaning she changed out of her bronze pumps from earlier)—THAT’S WHY! Now lay off me. She’s reading and waiting for Cliff with what I’m going to tell myself is a tall-boy glass of red wine. 

This is what’s under the oversized sweater Clair sports when she returns to the stoop for her magazine read in her cross legged “waiting for my husband to return from work…but not in a desperate way…but because I love him and spring in NY is the best time of year” pose. I love that pose.

We have ourselves a light brown crocodile belt around the waist and a taupe/grey tunic with a fabulous sporty collar with snap buttons that stop at the bellybutton. Comfortable.

Not that I’m noticing or anything, but Clair owns gold, silver, and bronze pumps. I like to think of them as fashion medals.

Important: Clair changed OUT of her purple ensemble into this in tv magic seconds. Why? because she can and maybe the fringe was making it hard to prepare breakfast.

Hellooooo huge red cardi.

One more stoop tale, and it’s flashy.

"You’re gonna like the way Clair looks. I guarantee it."

-Clair’s Wearhouse 

Stoop Tales (A-Woohoo)!

Have a napkin ready to wipe the drool off your chin, people. 

This episode took place mostly “outdoors” on the Huxtable stoop of their impressive brownstone. And by outdoors, I mean on a sound stage trying very hard and failing miserably to realistically look like their quaint street in Brooklyn Heights. 

First shot of the episode. Cue the applause. If you want to start an episode strong, start with a shot of Clair in a skirt suit and a casual yet smart ankle cross pose. From this wide shot I can already tell that this ensemble is stellar. I can see Lilac and tassle-fringe. I’m in.

And there it is. In all it’s glory and strength. Holy shit y’all. Oversized jacked with tremendous dropped shoulders. Cowgirl tassle-fringe drooping over the breast area like a luxurious curtain. Simple silk lilac top smartly tucked. Textured tweed skirt and jacket with various purple tones. Brown pumps. (Street lamp-hat not included). Look at that strong pose.   

It’s a matching skirt suit without the business attire look to it. THAT JACKET is so baller and jazzberry jam and it’s what elevates this whole thing to next level coolest mom realness.  

Look at that back tassle-fringe curtain gracefully swoosh with each confident step our lady takes.

Clair teaches us that it’s sometimes about surprising your “audience.” Offer your front half—may it be a statement that is astonishing, sexy, and loud. Allow your audience to recover. Then without warning exit the scene and offer your back half—let ‘em know it’s not over yet. “Oh the fringe you just saw hanging over my boobs? Oh yeah, I forgot to mention its also hanging down my back. Enjoy.”

The gathering at the bottom of the jacket makes this piece casual and youthful. It reminds us how hip our mom-style icon is. Also it creates some nice pleating down her butt. 

She’s so proud of herself. Collar is popped. Hair is delicious. Hand placement is perfect. A real lady doesn’t allow for accidental camera peek-a-boos. You get the Huxtable knees, but that is all.

Another angle to enjoy. Because why not? What an inspired look. Check out the purple square earrings matching the multi colored necklace. This whole ensemble is a one giant floppy statement piece.

Psssst, I have a secret I’m going to whisper to you: I think those fringe-tassles are suede. *wink*

Stay tuned for more Stoop Tales…there are more.

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